Tag Archives: assertiveness
For most of my life I believed saying no to someone was selfish, that somehow by saying no I wasn’t being spiritual or in the act of saying no I was giving up the chance to be of service to someone or something. This in turn lead to feelings of guilt, an endless spiral of blaming myself or feeling bad for something I’d perceived I’d done “wrong,” I worried endlessly that saying “no” somehow made me a bad person. Especially if energetically I felt that the other person expected or needed me to say yes. Then, I felt had no choice but to swallow my feelings and agree to what was being asked of me:
1) Because deep down I love helping people, it is so important to me to be of service to others.
2) Because I just couldn’t bear the thought of hurting or disappointing anyone – even people I didn’t know.
3) Because I was afraid to set boundaries. I wanted people to like and approve of me
I had heard people speak about “owning your power” constructively, but I think I was too polite and soft – too much of a people-pleaser
to understand the difference between stepping into assertive power with kindness versus being afraid of becoming hard, mean, bitter and abusive of my personal power when using it with other people.
In the last year, I have been on a deeply personal journey learning to accept myself for who I am, learning to embrace my psychic and intuitive gifts as part of my life purpose and my true calling. Each is a process including learning to be comfortable saying “no” to certain people or situations. I am learning that sometimes saying no is the most loving thing to be done. I’ve learned that I am not serving with pure intention and love if I say I will do something,, but deep down feel uncomfortable. That uncomfortable feeling is my intuition speaking up and telling me something doesn’t feel right.
Sometimes saying “no” is an act of self-care, and your intuition will tell you the difference between whether it is time to walk away from a situation completely versus whether it is simply time for you to stay the course, face your fear step out of your comfort zone. If you take the time to sit and stillness and get in touch with your genuine feelings, the answer will come to you. I recently had an opportunity where I needed to say no. It wasn’t an easy decision because I haven’t said no to many things personally or professionally. This particular situation gave me the unmistakable message I needed to walk away. My personal energy was depleted, I didn’t feel positive about the project in question, I wasn’t being treated with respect, and ultimately the clients highest good wasn’t being served the way things stood. Saying no in this case was an act of love, done in the best interest of all with kindness and compassion.
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